Icanhasdeeps

It’s not easy being a ranged DPSer, we know. But there some pretty cut and dry raiding standards that can be used to measure your … err “raid worthiness”.

Let’s break it down, shall we?

3k+ DPS – Good job!

2-3k DPS –Still a few blues or subpar purples in your gear slots but we’ll see what we can get you on this next run.

-2k DPS – WTF are you doing? Are you dead? Plague? Have you been drinking? YOU ARE NOT A TANK!

It is my experience that lack of DPS can occur for a variety of reasons. First and foremost it may be a byproduct of the fight design. Some boss fights require so much movement or involve so many variables that it’s really not logical to expect top line DPS from your ‘clothies’. However fights that affect DPS to this degree are not the norm. More often the DPS drain occurs due to missing gear or failed rotations. Missing gear solves itself as long as you keep going on raids – and failed rotations, well everyone screws up once in awhile. Just don’t make a habit of it when it counts.

What troubles me are the folks I watch frankly sucking fight after fight, not because of lack of gear or fight mechanic but because they are oblivious. When you’re in a ten man with two ranged DPS and one of them couldn’t fireball their way out of a paper bag things get gnarly pretty fast. As for the mage who is my shining example of this behavior (and who shall remain nameless), many, many people in my guild have attempted speaking with them. All to no avail. Looking at the spell breakdowns even I wasn’t sure what spec line they were attempting to use. I realize I’m not the gods gift to magedom or anything but if another mage can’t figure out what you’re doing – you’re probably doing it wrong. It’s not rocket science people.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my guild and the mage in question seems like a pleasant individual. But I’d rather not have them on any of the raids I’m on – especially not 5 or 10 mans where each person’s contribution matters that much more. The trouble is how do you message that to someone in a friendly manner? Honestly I don’t think there is a way … hellfire.

Hard Day’s Whimper

So  this past weekend was enjoyable in a too-much-bbq-chicken kind of way. I was looking forward to starting the work week when I was sabotaged by a fevered, spotted toddler. This meant that Tuesday became a ‘cuddle-your-toddler-both-at-home-and-the-doctor’s-office’ day.

Whee.

But that’s alright. Computer usage only really requires one hand, leaving the other arm free to snuggle a whimpering kidlet.

The Daily Grind

“This quest is too grindy!” “Why do I have to grind faction?” “If I have to grind my way through another grey con dungeon I’m going to gouge my eyes out!”

Uh huh.

All ‘traditional’ MMOs have some element of grinding, generally because it is needed to advance player characters.

“But I can advance my character myself!”

Oh really?

“Yes.”

How?

“…”

I thought so. THAT is why grinding endures – because (generally) guidelines are needed to help players skill and/or level up. We (the game developer) can build the most immersive and fully fleshed out perpetual space possible but without some instruction how can we expect the player to enjoy the world as it was meant to be enjoyed. Answer: We can’t.

The trick is to not shove the grinding directly into the face of the player, and there are a variety of ways to do this:

1)      Break up the grind – WoW’s WotLK daily quests are an excellent example of this tactic. Players are presented with a wide gambit of daily quest options but they can only complete twenty five in a single day. This both acts as a soft gating mechanic and breaks up the monotony of questing for long term goals.

2)      Blur the Lines – Eve Online broke the fourth wall and took character skill ups into real time. This not only helped give the impression of a lesser grind but instilled greater ownership in player characters. After all, you were investing real time in these characters, not just game time. This is a tool that I anticipate seeing developed more and more in the coming years. If you can play games on your cell phone, why not have limited access to your favorite MMO? Why not be able to do things that further your character while you’re riding to work? Or in the elevator? Or that boring meeting?

3)      Disguise the grind - Here’s where the majority of games fall in line. Vanguard’s quest design ensured that players were presented with an assortment of quests for any given area with varying drop chances. This helped disguise the grind by presenting “cookies” at just about regular intervals during the hunting experience.  WAR took the road of public quests. The Public Quest (or PQ) system allows for any number of grouped or ungrouped players to complete staged content for both influence and rewards. Then there is the achievement system. WAR, WoW, LoTR, CoH and others all use this to disguise (or at the very least reward) the grind of character advancement. Who has actually accomplished it the best is open to debate.

Blue Light Special

Alright this is just getting silly. Will someone please explain to me why WoW PvE boss fights are emerging as monochromatic extravaganzas?

Exhibit A: Hodir

Draenei Reporter: Mr Hodir is it true that you lay in wait within a cavern of bluish ice?

Hodir: Welcome to the endless winter.

Draenei Reporter: Why thank you. Following up on my initial question, is it true that said cavern has giant blue icicles that fall from the ceiling?

Hodir: You will suffer for this trespass!

Draenei Reporter: And that the paths of these icicles are demarcated by blue decals on the blue ice?

Hodir: <Furious Roar>

Draenei Reporter: Hodir, is your favorite color blue?

Hodir: Winds of the north consume you!

Draenei Reporter: Uh, no thanks. Really. But what about the flash freeze? The icicles enveloping the poor mages who can cast the toasty fire? Hell, the water dripping from the ceiling? Would it be fair to say that your entire area is blue?

Hodir: Enough! This ends now!

Draenei Reporter: Ya know I think I agree with you there. Thanks for your time, I’ll just invis my way back down the hallway … full of jormungars … Nevermind. I’ve heard Dalaran is lovely this time of year <teleports>

Exhibit B: Koralon the Flame Watcher

Draenei Reporter: Hello Koralon. Before we get started I’d just like to welcome you to the wonderful world of Azeroth. You’ve only been here for a few days but word is you’re already heating things up.

Koralon: <brooding silence>

Draenei Reporter: So. I understand that you are a Fire Giant, yes? And you currently reside within the forge style room of the Vault of Archavon, complete with flames against the back wall and a transparent central floor that reveals flames beneath. Is this correct?

Koralon: <brooding silence>

Draenei Reporter: I understand you have been known to hurl flaming cinders at players. Just how are they supposed to tell the difference between the fire effect on the transparent floor and the flames beneath?

Koralon: You’d better run little girl!

Draenei Reporter: Wait – didn’t you steal that line?

Koralon: <Koralon casts Meteor Fists!>

Draenei Reporter: Right. Thanks Koralon, we’ll be in touch. Knew I’d seen that flaming cod piece somewhere else. Someone really oughta tell Ignis about him …

Empire of a Modern Mouse

Might as well talk about it, everyone else is. The news that Disney plans to purchase Marvel hit the news yesterday and chaos and anarchy have ensued. At least in my workplace where geeks rule the roost. Top ten “mash up” lists have been flying around like doomgliders, water cooler conversations have reached a fever pitch, and everyone seems concerned about the superhero (and villain) characters of their childhoods. It’s actually been a little difficult to find a more even take on the proposed purchase.

Frankly, this news blast surprises me not a bit. Disney studios needs fresh IP blood and Marvel has got it to spare. More importantly Marvel taps into a market that Disney hasn’t had much traction with since the days of Robin Hood and Treasure Island: boys. That’s right, you heard me – the Mouse appears to be poised to aggressively go after the male demographic. Thank goodness. It was starting to get a little weird in here with all these princesses.

Seriously this isn’t the first time Disney has made a move to acquire outside powerhouses. Let’s see …

Marvel Entertainment – 2009 plan to purchase for $4 billion

Pixar – purchased in 2006 for $7.7 billion

Jim Henson’s Muppets – purchased in 2004 for ???

Fox Family – purchased in 2001 for $3 billion

Capital Cities/ABC/ESPN – purchased in 1995 for $19 billion

When you look at the current plan in light of Disney’s previous behavior this really becomes something we should have seen coming. And before anyone starts foaming at the mouth about how the evil Mouse is taking over the world I’d like to point out that the current purchase plan is still in the offer stage. It still requires the approval of Marvel shareholders and an “antitrust review”.

As to whether this plan will effectively castrate the action heroes of our childhood, unfortunately only time will tell. But I will postulate this: one thing Disney has always done very well is to make money. The intellectual properties of Marvel Entertainment can be infinitely profitable – if they are treated well. I hesitate to believe that Mogul Mouse would gut the possibility of profits by declawing Wolverine, cleaning up Iron Man’s language, and forcing the female mutants to dress less provacatively.

**edit** I am ashamed of my geek fail. The initial post cited Wonder Woman <turns in the golden lasso she’s had since five years of age>.

Nothing More Pathetic than a Sick Gamer

There’s nothing more pathetic than a sick gamer. All that hand eye coordination dedicated to getting to the bathroom fast enough to prostrate oneself before the porcelain throne. It’s bad enough experiencing it. Much, much worse when you’re watching someone you love go through it.

Of course sick days do get one out of work, the caveat being that usually you’re too sick to appreciate the sudden freedom. We’ll see.  I left my sickly gamer at home with a veritable buffet of over the counter sinus medications and lugged my Kleenex sloughing ass into the office. After I switched cars. Seems the mitsubishi doesn’t want to start anymore. That burning sensation I’m now feeling  must be coming from my wallet. It suspects what’s coming.

At least I’ll be able to pick up the wide screen monitor when it arrives. Though I might run into trouble if anyone else here sees it coming in. I may remember a few moves from my karate classes but they won’t do me a lick of good against a mob of envious coworkers.

Maybe I can ask the receptionist to carry it around back …

The Joy of Content

Last night my WOW character discovered that the alchemy specialist quests haven’t been updated since god was a boy. What this means for those of you lucky enough to never have encountered these quests is that I have to slog through and complete one dungeon (that has no other bearing on my quest besides it being a requirement),  before I can have access to the dungeon where my quest items drop. This might have been a good prerequisite structure during the first expansion when everyone was playing through these dungeons but now that the end game content has moved into Northrend, forcing players to jump through outdated hoops makes us all want to scream. It’s bad enough that some of the herbs alchemists need to create the top level potions have a 0.2-0.3 drop rate. Now we have to head back to the Caverns of Time for a wipe-a-thon of monumental proportions? You’ve got to be kidding me.

As Game Designers we realize that content updates are part and parcel of MMO management. In most cases additional content packs will require the adjustment of pre-existing content – especially that content as pertains to classes and trade skills. Otherwise you’re just opening yourself up to player dissatisfaction, player rants, and eventually – player loss.

By the same token, MMO content is a many tentacled thing that evolves over years and generates (if you’re lucky) an unprecedented amount of documentation. So some things falling through the cracks shouldn’t surprise anybody. It’s not like the original content developers were locked away in a trunk somewhere until their expertise was needed again. Most likely the crew has split – some to new projects, some to new companies, and some to new responsibilities on the ‘live” project.

What truly angers me is the perceived attitude of “Our players are used to grinding. They’ll just do it.” While that might be true, it doesn’t mean we’re doing it with a smile.

Don’t Stand in the Lava

Don’t stand in the lava. It’s a truth all gamers are familiar with at an intrinsic level: if you stand in the lava you will take damage. If you continue to stand in the lava you will die. And quite possibly take your entire raid with you. Unfortunately this concept is notoriously hard to grasp, both in game and without.

I’m not talking about mistakenly running through a patch of sickly green flame as you flee from a monster with whirling swords or getting stuck between invisible collision as some winged behemoth rains fire down upon your unprotected flesh – I am referring to those inherently dim witted lemmings who INSIST upon flocking toward clearly marked dangerous ground. And unfortunately for the rest of us semi intelligent Homo sapiens out there, there’s one in every raid.

But it doesn’t stop there.

The tabloids are just full of folks who can’t seem to grasp the concept in real life. Take Jon & Kate for instance. First there were the allegations of affairs. Then the divorce announcement. Now they (gluttons for punishment that they are) are hand feeding the media monster with constant bickering and complaining. What did you expect?  That the paparazzi would just play nice after smelling blood in the water? Please!  Get out of the fucking lava! Stop feeding the sharks sound bites, play peacefully with each other and finish out your nice $75,000 per episode television contract before TLC decides to drop your family from the network.

Perhaps mmo playing should be a required component of every child’s upbringing. In addition to keeping them abreast of technological advances  they would learn typing, base socialization skills, problem solving, possibly additional languages (at least the curse words), and to stay out of the lava.